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| So I took the plunge like I'm sure thousands of other people did in January and joined a gym. New years resolutions and all the stuff. The first workout alone in a gym has to be one of the most uncomfortable things in the world. You feel like everyone is looking at you - and everyone knows it's your first time because you're carrying around that stupid clipboard! Nothing says dork like that clipboard! However, of all the gyms I've joined and quit, I'm not nearly as intimidated in this one - mainly because it's the "Healthplex" at the hospital. This means that 70% of the patrons are over 65 years old. I have not seen one big bulky gym rat. (I did see a guy in a speedo - but I don't want to talk about that). We are all more like gym mice. It's hard to be intimidated when the guy on the weight machine next to you is carrying an oxygen tank. I am, however, a little frightened at times by the naked old ladies in the locker room. Nobody needs to see that. | | |
| I'm in somewhat of a moral dilemma. I have these two friends who have never met each other. I know a lot about both of them - things that I feel strongly should be kept in confidence. But they are getting together for lunch today. Here's my problem: they are both axe murderers and I'm wondering if I have an obligation to tell them. I've known this about one of them since we were children. No one could ever figure out where all the dead kittens in our neighborhood came from. But I knew, because, after all, we were best friends. To be honest, I'm only 99% sure the other friend is an axe murderer, but she did almost hit me with a wooden spoon last week and had a crazed look in her eyes. I guess one of two things could happen today: they will either kill each other or they will join forces and go on a crime spree. Perhaps I should be more worried about the fact that I attract axe murderers. | | |
| When Waffles are Awful Waffles are tasty everywhere - In the kitchen, on the porch, on the lawn. They're scrumptious with hot maple syrup Or freshley picked berries spooned on. Delicious to gobble at night Delicious to chomp at dawn, The only time waffles are awful... Is when all of the waffles are gone. - Shelly Becker | | |
| There are obvious and vast differences between men and women but I discovered an interesting similarity this weekend. Women have taken a lot of flack over the years because of shopping and accessorizing. We find that perfect outfit that we really can't afford, but we may not ever see it again. On top of that we HAVE to buy the shoes that go with it. Earrings and purses are interchangeable so there are a multitude of possibilities. Then we go home, lay everything out, and admire our purchases. From this point on I will be speaking of things of which I do not know. Blade made a major firearm purchase last week - an Olympic AR-15 - which is pretty much like an M-16 or something. He struggled with whether or not he should get it, but it was a good deal that he might not come across again since the guy was also going to give him a lot of extra accessories. (I didn't know you could accessorize a gun) Of course buying it meant he would have to find a collapsible stock for it, because apparently, you just can't own an AR-15 without a collapsible stock. So we went to the Jackson Gun Show. The next question was what color stock should he get - green or black? After making all the purchases, he went home, laid it all out, and started interchanging stocks, hand grips, and other accessories that I'm sure have names. As I watched him, I asked him why he was putting a particular doomaflichy on the gun. He replied, "Because it looks cool." I felt bad for picking on him, so I told him that I felt sure his rifle would be a lot more useful than the perfect black dress and a pair of high heels during the Apocalypse. He conceded that it would entirely depend upon the situation. | | |
| As promised, I boycotted trick-or-treaters at home after the lack of effort they put forth last year. I did, however, participate in festivities elsewhere. I could not turn a corner at work without finding candy. We gave it out to our patients, but there was such an abundance we had to help eat it. I should have stopped eating after the box of Nerds and Milk Duds. But there was just so much candy! Half a box of peanut brittle later I should have been done for. But I forged on. Peanut M&M's, Smartee's, SweetTarts dared me to eat them so I accepted the challenge. At the end of the day, feeling rather triumphant, I proudly opened an orange Tootsie Pop and left. My next conquest would be the Fall Festival - because what I REALLY needed was a hot dog, some nachos, and pink cotton candy. Excuse me - I have to go - someone just walked in with some leftover Whoppers. | | |
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